The Sunday Morning Muse, June 1, 2008

We have separation of church and state here in the US of A. That said, in order to get elected though, and actually become President of this great land, there are some unwritten rules of the road:



1. You have to believe in some sort of invisible, all knowing, powerful being in the sky who watches over us and blesses the United States. Otherwise you can't end every speech with "God Bless America!!!"



2. Be careful which being you pick to worship. Some are more popular than others, and if you believe in the wrong one.... or none at all, you lose any realistic chance at election. Also, be careful how you pray... not to loud, not to long, not too strong, not all the time, not so much in public unless you are actually in a church, or saying a blessing at a meal. Even then don't do anything that may be construed as undignified or out of the mainstream. And don't wear any strange looking scarves. Even if they were a gift from your mother. Remember what happened this week to Rachael Ray. And she's just a talk show host.



3. You certainly have to make nice with the religious right and appear to care about what they care about. Whether you do or don't. Or you will be very very sorry. Hell hath no fury like anti-abortion demonstrators.



4. You may not be able to attend your own church. This is because your fellow churchgoers will be pounded by media attention as people try to "get something on you," to use against you. Also, every word your pastor says since he was born will be scrutinized. And you just may have to denounce things he says along the way, or own up to them. You have to decide which is worse.



5. In short, be nice to everyone no matter what religion they have or do not have. Restrain from making fun of the more outlandish beliefs, and please, if God starts speaking to you... don't tell anyone.

The Sunday Morning Muse, February 10, 2008

Last night's moon was really strange....a bottom cresent that was really bright and was in an unusual part of my view from my yard. So unusual that a neighbor, who didn't even recognize the moon through the bare, winter trees that obscured it somewhat, came over and asked me if someone put a tower in the woods up on the hill. The point here, is that the moon wasn't where it normally was, looking as it normally should....albiet, the spooky, dark woods played a part in it too. This caused concern.

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It is with this in mind that I read this story at Space.com about how a lunar eclipse saved Christopher Columbus and his crew who were starving at the time, stranded in Jamaica. Knowledge is a powerful thing. And Columbus had enough wits about him to use his knowledge.... in the form of an almanac of astrological tables.... to dupe the God Fearing natives into providing food for his men.

Columbus, of course, had a copy of the Almanac with him when he was stranded on
Jamaica. And he soon discovered from studying its tables that on the evening of
Thursday, Feb. 29, 1504, a total eclipse of the moon would take place soon after
the time of moonrise.
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Armed with this knowledge, three days before the eclipse, Columbus asked for a meeting with the natives Cacique ("chief") and announced to him that his Christian god was angry with his people for no longer supplying Columbus and his men with food. Therefore, he was about to provide a clear sign of his displeasure: Three nights hence, he would all but obliterate the rising full moon, making it appear "inflamed with wrath," which would signify the evils that would soon be inflicted upon all
of them.

The story gets even better as Columbus's God.... not only "follows through" with his sign, but on cue, returns the moon to normal afterward:

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"His god" was a sandglass that Columbus turned every half hour to time the
various stages of the eclipse, based on the calculations provided by
Regiomontanus' almanac.
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Just moments before the end of the total phase Columbus reappeared, announcing to the natives that his god had pardoned them and would now allow the moon to gradually return. And at that moment, true to Columbus' word, the moon slowly began to reappear and as it emerged from the Earth's shadow, the grateful
natives hurried away. They then kept Columbus and his men well supplied and well
fed until a relief caravel from Hispaniola finally arrived on June 29, 1504.
Columbus and his men returned to Spain on Nov. 7.

I call it a triumph of science.

God Speaks Again.... (but not to me)

And no, He didn't speak to George Bush again. He spoke to none other than Richard Roberts, who headed up Oral Roberts University. Reference this Sunday Morning Muse I posted about his last conversation with God in October, where God told this religious shyster we live in a "litigious" society and to fight the allegations against him. (There is a lawsuit accusing him of using university money on lavish shopping sprees, buying a stable of horses, paying for a daughter to travel to the Bahamas aboard the university jet, and let's not forget the 800 dollar cell phone bills for his wife's alleged underage boyfriends.)

Well apparently God change his mind. He told Roberts to resign. Actually, to hear Roberts tell it, God insisted.

Associated Press

On Wednesday, Roberts said God told him he would "do something supernatural for the university," if he stepped down from the job he held at the 5,700-student school since 1993.

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I'm offended by this story on so many levels:

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1. If God talks to George Bush and to Richard Roberts why won't he talk to the leaders of the Israelis and the Palestinians and help resolve their problems? Certainly a much more worthwhile conversation?

2. If God bargains with religious shysters who misuse funds gathered in His name, to promote His work, what does that say about God?

3. If God is so concerned about our litigious society, why doesn't he talk to the judge instead of insisting old Richard drop his fight against the allegations against him? I'm sure whatever the result of a court fight, any judge could be swayed to agree with God if God would just talk to him.

4.If God really did offer to "do something supernatural" for the University, yet he hasn't intervened so far with a cure for AIDS or Cancer, what party trick could he really have in mind?

I'll quit for now, I'm too worked up. Wake up people.

The Sunday Morning Muse, October 7, 2007

And God said: We live in a Litigious Society. . .

I've always been suspicious of people who say God talks to them. Maybe because for me, it was always a one way conversation. In this case, if there is a God he truly has better things to do than worry about the outcome of lawsuits facing Richard Roberts, President of Oral Roberts University.

Maybe if God had told him to go live in poverty and help the poor of India, instead of using words like 'litigious,' I could believe him.



KARE-TV, Minneapolis

At a chapel service this week on the 5,300-student campus known for its 60-foot-tall bronze sculpture of praying hands, Roberts said God told him: "We live in a litigious society. Anyone can get mad and file a lawsuit against another person whether they have a legitimate case or not. This lawsuit ... is about intimidation, blackmail and extortion."

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Excuse me?

How did anyone in that chapel keep a straight face? Maybe God should have told him to get his wife her own cell phone to call her underage boyfriends instead of at the expense of the ministry to the tune of $800 dollars a month, hire a tutor for his stupid daughter instead of using university members to do her homework, and quit using university money and people to inject himself in political races unlawfully. And open up the books and let the people who pay money to go there, see exactly how their money is spent. And as a bonus, God might have said why not send your daughter to the mission in the Congo with a check for $30 thousand dollars instead of the Bahamas to party with her friends on the ministry's tab?

And that is just for a start.

I'm just sayin'.

We'll see how this all ends. Maybe God can talk to him in jail someday, and educate him on misuse of funds and whatever other charges his creative accounting practices turn up.