Stuff My Mom Says

"You are putting me to sleep."

 Spoken after I told her she has to wear an emergency button around her neck even though I am home. Why? Because something could happen in the middle of the night, I told her, and I can't get to you. You will need to press it if the house catches fire....and don't forget, you can press it if someone breaks into the house...or if you start to choke to death---you press it... or if I die of a heart attack....

What will the Neighbors Think

"The neighbors will think I died three times."

-

My Mom, reflecting upon the commotion she brought to the neighborhood with three ambulances

to the house in three days.