1. You have to believe in some sort of invisible, all knowing, powerful being in the sky who watches over us and blesses the United States. Otherwise you can't end every speech with "God Bless America!!!"
2. Be careful which being you pick to worship. Some are more popular than others, and if you believe in the wrong one.... or none at all, you lose any realistic chance at election. Also, be careful how you pray... not to loud, not to long, not too strong, not all the time, not so much in public unless you are actually in a church, or saying a blessing at a meal. Even then don't do anything that may be construed as undignified or out of the mainstream. And don't wear any strange looking scarves. Even if they were a gift from your mother. Remember what happened this week to Rachael Ray. And she's just a talk show host.
3. You certainly have to make nice with the religious right and appear to care about what they care about. Whether you do or don't. Or you will be very very sorry. Hell hath no fury like anti-abortion demonstrators.
4. You may not be able to attend your own church. This is because your fellow churchgoers will be pounded by media attention as people try to "get something on you," to use against you. Also, every word your pastor says since he was born will be scrutinized. And you just may have to denounce things he says along the way, or own up to them. You have to decide which is worse.
5. In short, be nice to everyone no matter what religion they have or do not have. Restrain from making fun of the more outlandish beliefs, and please, if God starts speaking to you... don't tell anyone.
1 comment:
OK. The scarf thing? Seriously? We're no longer a country. We are FREAKING CARTOON.
(I have about 15 scarves from Cambodia that are sort of like that. I feel like tying them all together and wearing them as a dress today. Weather's good. I might do.)
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