I Now Pronounce You... uhhh...Just Married

Here's a question I bet no one has ever asked you. If you could marry any inanimate object, what would it be? (Certainly makes the whole anti-gay marriage thing seem trivial in comparison, doesn't it?) Opens up a whole new avenue for those who remain unattached at the moment and wish to find a life long companion. Or perhaps some of you out there are already married to an inanimate object on your couch, and would consider a change of scenery?

I got to thinking about this after Neatorama posted the story about the woman who married the Eiffel Tower. I guess she changed her name and everything.... pledged to love and honor... but I dare not speculate about the uh... Honeymoon night.

Hmmmm.

Back to inanimate objects. Since I can't come up with anything off the top of my head, I will attempt to reason my way through the question. It would be unreasonable to marry, say, Stonehenge, or one of the Great Pyramids. Too far away anyhow. Hmmm. The Berlin Wall is taken. Bummer. Not that I really cared a lot. It's gone now anyway.. but Mrs. Berlin Wall lives with bits of barbed wire somewhere in Sweden. Follow the link. I can't make this up.

I could marry the Viaduct that spans a river and a junk yard in my hometown, but that is a bit bourgeois, wouldn't you think? Especially with all the possibilities out there. I mean, it's early in the game. There's got to be plenty of "single" choices out there.

What qualities would I even look for in an inanimate spouse? For a lasting relationship I need an object that has stood the test of time. Something tall.... something solid and well taken care of.

Maybe I can marry the last Big Boy in America!