Insurance Companies to Cover Chastity Belts

In a stunningly simple conclusion to a ridiculously petty contraception war on women, the Catholic Church has agreed to pay premiums for insurance companies to cover Chastity Belts for women who work in Catholic affiliated agencies. "Chastity belts were the norm of anti-temptation fashionware during the Crusades,"  an unnamed source said, "so we see only a win-win situation here in our attempt to maintain our moral standards, but also give women a choice of when she wants to be pregnant."

Women will still have the option of buying their own birth control, provided they can afford it and are willing to take the chance of getting caught by the Bishop.