A Grave Situation.
A sliver of moon out the window in a clear spot just outside the edge of heavy dark blue clouds this morning.
Tuxedo cat nudging my hand on the keyboard wanting attention.
Where to start? That awful cemetery. The one I got pissed at for the horrible ruts in the road and the frisbee like scattered wreaths, etc. called and said they are "updating their records to computer" and need to talk with me.
I wasn't born yesterday. My response: "No one is coming to the house. I will gladly stop by and update and sign something, but no one is coming to the house to sell me anything."
So I agreed to stop in during my lunch period.
At the appointed hour, I met a fellow who looks like the type who answers ads in the classifieds looking for people to sell cemetary plots. Tall and thin and a bit unkept, with bad breath, a dingy office. Broken chair.
I refused to sit in it.
He got me another.
I kept a straight, poker face as he went through privacy policy papers, checked the power of attorney papers, updated addresses and contacts and such, and then he moved swiftly to grab a Family Planning Guide... ( Making Clear Decisions Today!) booklet and began praising the book's usefulness (67 steps to planning a funeral.)
I'm not happy now. Still have a straight face. I am not planning a funeral on my lunch hour today. This guy
doesn't even know how I'm going to explode in about 5 minutes and then go pick up soup and take it back
to work and eat lunch. Lunch is really what I'm thinking about right now. Does the drive-thru church soup
place have any Stuffed Green Pepper Soup left?
I let him go page by page, droning on through the Importance of Insurance Policies and Death Certificate Information....and then he flipped over a paper at the end, tucked in, hidden away.... dramatically covering
one half of it. The paper showed the Total Costs I would have to pay if my mother died...YESTERDAY.
He said it with the drama of a magician....able to make costs DISAPPEAR! And then he moved his hand over....and showed me the other column....almost three thousand dollars cheaper.... ($2000 savings on the casket alone!)
But there's a catch....always a catch. Waiting...waiting for it...
If I take advantage of this savings...which is ONLY GOOD TILL MONDAY!
What the *uck?
And did I know of anyone ELSE that would want to take advantage of such a great opportunity?
NO. I said. I don't. Because this place is a mess.
He unleashed the dragon. I became a raving woman. Going on about the road and my almost blown tire....and frisbee thrown wreaths...the grass cutting mess...and the whole sordid tale about the future grave of my Aunt all torn up and headstone askew, who took advantage of a "half price" vault sale in the fall!
What IS IT with this place?????
Bottom line is it was bought out by a Canadian company who owns a multitude of cemetaries....and basically the locals have no control at all over the clean up and care of the place. Yeah, he gets lots of complaints. Nothing he can do. Turn in work orders. Hope they do them.
There is a plot in the Holy Rood section of that cemetary where my dear dad was laid to rest, and I will care for it and someday mom will be next to him. But that extra plot? That grassy little empty space near them?
Will never hold the moldy oozing remains of my carcass. Ever.
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