Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Happy Father's Day!

(Favorite quotes from Dad Says:)

Don't ask me, ask your mother.
Were you raised in a barn? Close the door.
You didn't beat me. I let you win.
Don't worry. It's only blood.
Don't you know any normal boys?

Coffee will stunt your growth.
A little dirt never hurt anyone--just wipe it off.
Turn off those lights. Do you think I am made of money?
You call that noise "music"?

We're not lost. I'm just not sure where we are.
As long as you live under my roof,you'll live by my rules.
I'll tell you why. Because I said so. That's why.
Do what I say, not what I do.

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. . . .
You want something to do? I'll give you something to do.
This is your last warning..
I'm not sleeping, I was watching that channel.

What keeps those jeans of yours from falling off?
I'm not just talking to hear my own voice!
Don't forget to check your oil.
If your friend jumped off a bridge would you?
Stop crying or I'll give you a reason to cry.

When I was your age I had to walk to school in 10 feet of snow up hill both ways!
You're only young once.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.

What do you think I am, a bank?
What part of NO don't you understand?
You're not leaving my house dressed like that!

Am I talking to a brick wall?
If I catch you doing that one more time, I'll...

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One more thing...

Here's a great list of Things You Will Never Hear Dad Say.